Rest in Peace, Uncle Paul. I love you forever.

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After an amazing day of meetings with rare book librarians and spending tons of time in museums and shopping I come home to find that my Uncle Paul passed away. It was in the middle of my second meeting- around 2:30 or 2:45- that I had the need to cry for no reason. I thought that it was because I was so happy and overwhelmed at being in the Rare Books department of the Smithsonian Natural History Museum. I know now that somehow I knew before anyone told me. His passing has already left a hole in the world—and in me.

Is it strange to think that someone designed today to make sure I wouldn't be completely shattered? If Uncle Paul knew that I had had one of the best days ever and that he was the cause of it all falling apart he would be so upset. I can't do that to him so I'm going to think that he had something to do with it. He designed today for me ♥.

Four years ago I had my first intercollegiate dressage show with the FSU Equestrian team at the University of Central Florida. I was terrified. My mom, dad, sister-in-law and brother came to watch me show that day. When my mom and dad pulled up the back door opened and my Uncle Paul stepped out of the car. That was probably the most excited I have been in my life. I hadn’t seen him for quite a while and I felt content, no matter what happened. My Uncle Paul is one of the most amazing men I have met in my life. He is the strongest and most inspirational person I could ask for. He has done so much and has the biggest and most open heart. He is one of those people that I really grew up emulating. I wanted to be kind and genuine and as open-hearted and loving as he was. I like to think that I am a good shadow of that in my life. And I hope to be his one of his little shadows forever.

The best vacation I have ever had was to San Francisco with my mom and Uncle Paul. He was so happy and made San Francisco so special for me. From Napa Valley to Scharffen Berger Chocolate Factory to Alcatraz and the little live jazz bar we went to, I know I will always have those places to go back to and to still feel as though he is with me.

Ever since my brother got married and had Uncle Paul marry them, I was committed to having him marry me to my soul mate one day, too. I wish so much that it would have worked out and I know that whenever I do get married it will never be as special without him. But I know he will be with me no matter what. Hopefully, I will be able to find a way to make my wedding just as special.

I will forever be in your arms.